Face Sitting in BDSM: Power, Trust, and Consent

Face sitting—sometimes called queening or kinging—is a consensual BDSM activity that centers on power exchange, intimacy, and embodied presence. At its core, it is not about explicit acts, but about control, vulnerability, and negotiated authority. When practiced thoughtfully, face sitting can be a deeply connective experience rooted in trust and communication.

What Is Face Sitting in a BDSM Context?

Within BDSM, face sitting is most often framed as a power dynamic rather than a purely physical act. One partner (often the top or dominant) uses their body and positioning to assert control, while the other partner (often the bottom or submissive) consents to surrendering space, autonomy, and breath awareness within clearly negotiated limits.

Like many BDSM practices, roles are flexible. People of any gender can top, bottom, switch, or co-create the dynamic. What matters is consent, intention, and mutual desire.

The Psychology of Power and Presence

Face sitting can feel intense because it combines multiple psychological elements:

• Authority and surrender – The person on top controls position, pressure, and duration
• Trust – The person underneath places their safety in the hands of their partner
• Embodiment – Both partners are required to stay present and attuned
• Focus – The dynamic narrows attention to breath, sensation, and responsiveness

For some, this intensity is grounding and meditative; for others, it is exhilarating or affirming. There is no single “correct” experience.

Consent, Negotiation, and Communication

Because face sitting involves proximity and breath awareness, clear negotiation is essential. Conversations should happen well before play begins and may include:

• Physical positioning preferences
• Comfort with pressure and duration
• Medical considerations (such as asthma or anxiety)
• Verbal and non-verbal safeties
• Aftercare needs

Safewords, hand signals, or object drops are commonly used, especially when verbal communication may be difficult. Ongoing check-ins—before, during, and after—are a sign of skill and care, not interruption.

Safety Considerations

Face sitting should always prioritize safety. Some widely accepted best practices include:

• Ensuring the bottom can signal clearly at all times
• Avoiding prolonged pressure without breaks
• Maintaining awareness of body weight distribution
• Staying responsive to changes in breathing, tension, or movement
• Never treating resistance or distress as part of the “scene” unless explicitly negotiated

Attentiveness is a responsibility of the person on top. Control and care go hand in hand.

Aftercare and Emotional Integration

As with many power-exchange activities, face sitting can evoke strong emotional responses. Aftercare helps partners reconnect, regulate, and process the experience. This may look like:

• Physical closeness or grounding touch
• Verbal reassurance or praise
• Quiet time together
• Hydration and rest

Discussing what felt good—or what could be adjusted next time—supports growth and trust within the dynamic.

Breaking Stigma and Assumptions

Face sitting is sometimes misunderstood or sensationalized. In BDSM communities, it is increasingly recognized as a valid and nuanced practice that can be gentle, intense, playful, ceremonial, or deeply emotional depending on how it is negotiated.

There is no hierarchy of “serious” or “light” kink. What matters is authenticity, consent, and mutual respect.

Closing Thoughts

Face sitting in BDSM is less about the act itself and more about the relationship between power and care. When approached with intention, communication, and respect, it can be a powerful expression of trust and connection.

As with all BDSM practices, education, self-awareness, and honest dialogue are the foundations of safe and meaningful play.